Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
