She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Randomize
