I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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