Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
