Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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