piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
