Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize