well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
