your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
