Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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