i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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