there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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