This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
