I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
A bitchslap is in order.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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