i permit you to call me
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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