i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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