feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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