i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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