He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
