these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
