you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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