all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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