Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
