jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
