11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
