Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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