i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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