captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
