Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
