Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
