I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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