ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
