You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
