my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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