She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
