it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
