Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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