so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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