Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize