I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
