Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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