just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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