She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize