last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
