Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
