At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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