chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
