I just made out with a guy for $7.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
