i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
