I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
