in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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