I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
