just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
