Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
