watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
