; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
