I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
