dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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