Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
