Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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