so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
