she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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