Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
