Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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