i don't like sucking hair
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
this boner is exhausting
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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