I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
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You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
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Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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